Dear friend,

I’m writing this letter not to ruin your fun in glorifying death. I do agree with you that death does sound better than life. I never heard of anyone from the death complaining about a broken heart, a toxic family, or a dictator government. Never heard of anyone killing anyone in the death world. No covid there, I think. And bills. Don’t get me started with bills… we are basically being charged just to live as a human (who loves pizza, electricity and high-speed internet) but I have no doubt that life can be enjoyable too.

I hope you still eat. And breath. It’s OK to stay in bed longer if you don’t feel like getting up soon. Longer rest is good even though it’s your soul that is tired. That’s why the word placebo was invented.

It’s OK to have shitty parents who often scapegoated and abused you when you were young and now when you decide not to speak to them, they call you an ingrate. Just remember, your existence is not your fault. Your parents brought you to this world. Without your consent. But forget whose fault it is. Your life is now yours. Not theirs.Take responsibility.

It’s OK to have no girlfriend (or boyfriend). It’s OK to have nobody loving you. External love is overrated anyway. 

Just remember that you still have you. Start from you, love yourself first. 

Get to know yourself like you want to know a new lover, or a new best friend: what do you like doing in your spare time? What makes you unique? Which one of your habits or thoughts makes you laugh? How do you like your coffee or tea? What topic do you like reading and writing? What sort of music do you enjoy listening to? Do you play video games? What type? No video games? Why? Would you like to try a new activity, learn a new thing, play a new game? How bout trying to cook and bake something new? How bout having fun writing down your wildest dreams? Then breaking them down into steps to achieve them? And setting a timeline for each step? And call all of them ‘a plan’ instead of ‘a dream’? 

I hope one day you write about the imperfection that you believe you have, how you handle it, write about all the unluckiness that you believe is always following you and how you deal with it. Like a boss. 

And then inspire people with how you rose from your struggles. 

If you still choose death, it’s OK too, I won’t call you a coward like what most people do to people who killed themselves. After all, maybe you’re right, that life is not worth it when nobody loves you. But I also hope one day you agree with me, that life can be enjoyable too, despite the absence of external love.

And what if my belief is right? That this world is just a playground for us to learn stuff so we can be wiser souls? And anyone who kills themselves will have to be reborn back to this (borrowing your term) ‘shitty world’ and do everything from the start again? Facing everything you’ve been complaining about. Again. Is that what you want? Repeating the whole thing?

If I were you, I will keep on living, learning things I’m supposed to learn. And then, when I die (because my destiny says so), and if I wasn’t happy with my life, I’ll just punch my ‘life planner’ in the face.

But then again, I believe all the problems I’ve been facing are just lessons. They will keep coming back until I learn my lessons. So no punching.

I hope there’s at least a tiny part of you that believes in this theory as I know you don’t believe in anything except death. 

I wish you well. Thinking of you. Write to me anytime.

Your friend,

Silvy