Ever heard some wise sayings about not getting attached to the outcome and just enjoy the moment? I have. Often.
As a goal-oriented enthusiast who’s passionately searching for better self-improvement, of course I have difficulty digesting this slogan.
The above slogan seems to be mindless and irresponsible.
Why?
Because it’s easy to associate it with food/sex/drug addicts. People who just want to ‘enjoy the moment’ and never want to get attached to the outcome will get into a further addiction that leads to overdose, causing misery, destruction, unproductivity, and all uncomfortableness associated with the addiction and its effects.
Like, really. Is that it? You live just to enjoy the moment and then die from gorging yourself with food/sex/drugs for the sake of enjoying the moment? Yes I’m aware that some people live this way, but. Uhm. Really? Is that it? Don’t you want to explore, get to know yourself better and find out if you have talents and skills that you can use to make yourself proud and give back to the world? For humanity? For animals? For the Earth?
Let’s Get More Confused
Let me introduce you to another slogan, just to make things more confusing for goal-oriented enthusiasts. Being confused is good for your brain as it will force you to look at things from different angles before arriving at a conclusion (if ever). Looking at things from different angles helps you to understand something more clearly and more objectively.
Let’s see a quote from Bertrand Russell:
“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”
Again, this slogan can easily justify the addicts’ habit of enjoying whatever it is they’re abusing.
But.
The consequence is, of course, far from being enjoyable.
From what I’ve seen through documentaries about food, sex, drug etc addiction, the consequences of their so-called enjoyable activities are worse than they expect. It’s pretty much self explanatory. We all can easily guess what happens when someone eats too much food, has too much sex, and abuse too much drugs. Misery. Destruction. Unproductivity.
The Law of Attraction and Psycho-Cybernetics
When it comes to wanting to achieve something, the spiritual community believes in the Law of Attraction while the science community believes in the Psycho-Cybernetics. Both say the same thing: you need to visualise the outcome you wish to have.
The Oxford Languages define ‘visualise’ as to “form a mental image of; imagine.”
So how can we not get attached to the outcome when we are asked to visualise the outcome?
Let’s Get Less Confused
The slogan “The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” was said by Bertrand Arthur William Russell, a polymath, philosopher, logician, mathematician, historian, writer, social critic, political activist, and Nobel laureate. Not an addict. As far as I know.
And with the slogan “Don’t get attached to the outcome, just enjoy the moment”, I believe there’s a missing word: ‘too’ and ‘journey in achieving the outcome’. Which means, the quote should say,
“Don’t get too attached to the outcome, enjoy every moment of your journey in achieving the outcome”.
You still have to have an outcome in your mind instead of dismissing it altogether.
The Real Meaning of Enjoying the Moment
Let’s have a look at this scenario:
Imagine you want to lose 20 kg in 6 months.
You’d expect that, after you lose 20 kg, people, including your romantic partner, will admire the new, skinnier you.
You work hard on it, torturing yourself with killing exercises and eating less.
But when you finally did it, instead of cheering on the new, skinnier you, they say you look tired and ask if you’ve been sick.
How upset would you be? Firstly, you may get devastated as you’ve been working very hard to lose 20 kg in 6 months. Secondly, you may have to admit that you do feel tired and look ‘sick’ instead of ‘happy’ as you’ve been eating much less and exercising too hard.
Going with the above scenario, there are at least two main problems:
1. Wrong outcome
The problem is not on the ‘don’t get attached to the outcome’, but it’s on the attachment to the wrong outcome, which is expecting how people should behave or react. We should accept the fact that we can’t control people’s behaviour or reaction. Everyone has their own taste, problems, and shadows. And none of them is fully within our control.
2. Not enjoying the process
It’s good to have a clear goal. A good, clear goal, as recommended by many professionals and experts from various industries, has to be SMART, an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely.
But the problem with getting too attached to the goal is, we tend to forget that we can (and should) have fun enjoying the process.
Losing 20 kg in 6 months, for example, when we break it down, means losing 0.85 kg per week. That’s very achievable.
Anyone who’s trying to lose weight within that range can enjoy the process by taking it easy, enjoying the exercise, enjoying healthy food instead of torturing themselves with unreasonably killing exercises and restricting their food intake excessively.
When you enjoy doing something, you’ll feel and look happy, not tired. And definitely not sick.
Another simpler example would be washing the dishes by hand.
You want the dishes to be squeaky clean. That’s the outcome. But you also want to enjoy the process of washing the dishes (no kidding!).
Let’s first try to just focus on the outcome: squeaky clean dishes, without wanting to enjoy the process. When you’re washing them, your mind is cluttered with how annoying it is to have to wash the dishes. Then further cluttered with what’s happening in the world, if the Coronavirus will ever disappear and if the Russian vaccine will make you speak English with Putin’s accent.
A possible result of wanting to have squeaky clean dishes without enjoying the process is: you may end up with not so squeaky clean dishes, you accidentally break the dishes, or all of the above as your mind is everywhere.
Now let’s see what it looks like when you enjoy the process – but still attached to the outcome.
You start washing the dishes by mindfully remove the food scraps, carefully scrub the dishes and even start to notice how fun it is to watch the soap bubbles. You then rinse and have fun watching the soap bubbles disappear and finally dry the dishes, again, having fun removing the water from the dishes. You enjoy every moment of the process. But you’re still aware of the outcome.
You don’t just suddenly ignore the outcome and find yourself playing with the water and soap mindlessly for hours. You are still attached to the outcome: squeaky clean dishes.
Therefore…
“Don’t get attached to the outcome, just enjoy the moment” doesn’t mean we dismiss the outcome altogether. We still have to remember and visualise what outcome we are trying to achieve. We are still attached to the outcome.
But instead of focusing too much on the outcome, we focus on – and enjoy – the process. We can even ‘waste’ time enjoying the process, thus, the time we enjoy wasting is not wasted time. This is very true, especially in photography. I can waste all day just to get five good pictures, even just one good picture will make me happy, and I really enjoy wasting time that way.
And…
Sometimes, by enjoying every moment of the process, we can even think of – and reach – a different, better outcome.
I’m aware that life is indeed fun when we let go of certain expectations. That shit happens. That all of us will die someday. Eventually.
But that shouldn’t justify us living life recklessly. Life feels more content and enjoyable when we live it mindfully with a purpose, no matter how many lemons thrown at us (catch them all and make lemonade!).
I have to disagree with the nihilists (even though I’m pro-suicide – I will write about that soon). I believe that everyone is put on Earth with a purpose. Here is my post about the purpose of life.
So don’t go around snorting cocaine, screaming, “Don’t get attached to the outcome, just enjoy the moment”. Do your math and really question yourself: do you really enjoy life that way? Be honest.
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