Don’t read the title literally. I’m not suggesting you throw guacamole and hummus at those who rejected you. That might work temporarily to tame your anger, but that approach is too primitive. We want to (and should) be a little more civilised. So read on.

Rejection is a part of life. Every single one of us has experienced rejection at least twice in our life.

The first rejection, of course, comes from parents/primary carers. “No more toys, you already have too many toys at home.” 

Then perhaps a rejection from our puppy love when we were teenagers. 

But I believe the most painful rejection is the one that comes from lovers who seem to accept us at first, then later expel us. 

In my life, I have rejected a few lovers as I don’t see them as suitable to be long-term partner. I have also been rejected by a few lovers. I accept the fact that we all have our own standards and deal breakers. 

And even when we think we found a long-term partner, the relationship can break as one or both perceive that their needs as no longer being met. Yes, of course we are allowed to have needs and express them. Provided that we don’t slip into a codependent relationship, where the codependent has no personal identity, interests, or values outside of their relationship.

But sometimes, a relationship (or an interaction with a date) can end not because of an unmet need, but because one of them arrives at a conclusion that he/she is no longer interested in his/her partner. They reject their partner. Often unfairly. Without any known reasons, despite all needs being met.

There are various reasons why someone rejects someone. In this post, I’ll discuss one possible reason someone may reject you: that you’re simply not their type.

What to Do With This Type of Rejection?

Two tips from me.

1. You’re a Guacamole

We often associate someone’s rejection with what’s wrong with us. Are we too short, too tall, too small, too fat, too dumb, too intelligent, etc. In reality, sometimes, or even often, it’s not that there’s something wrong with us. It’s purely about appetite. 

For example, if your favourite condiment for a tortilla is hummus, but there’s no hummus, only guacamole, you’ll still eat it with guacamole when you’re hungry. But when there’s hummus, you’ll want hummus. Not guacamole. 

Now apply that analogy to the person who rejects us. They’re people who like hummus, and we’re the guacamole. Nothing’s wrong with guacamole. In fact, we can be the best guacamole ever in the world, but if someone is after hummus, no amount of guacamole can compete with or replace even the most mediocre hummus. 

So find someone who likes guacamole. And kill all hummus fans. Kidding. Killing is illegal OK. Don’t do that. 

2. Never Base Your Value on Someone’s Rejection.

With the previous point in mind, we should, therefore, never base our value on someone’s rejection. We shouldn’t base our value on someone’s praise either. Praise, insult, rejection, these are all opinions. Not absolute truth. 

Yes, feedback is important, but at the end of the day, we should base our value on our integrity, that our words match our actions. That we’re capable of bringing something to the table and for that, anyone who is with us can be the best version of themselves. 

Similarly, we should be able to be the best version of ourselves when we are with this someone. 

And yes, I’ve heard the phrase “you are enough”, but if that refers to the fact that you don’t need to improve in any way, think again and decide for yourself. If you ask me, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who shows no enthusiasm to improve. From personal experience, people who show no enthusiasm to improve are people who are so full of themselves, narcissistic and arrogant. They can be unpleasant. Some of them can be downright funny and entertaining, but they’re not partner material. They’re not even friend material. 

All in All

Rejection is a part of life. As long as we live, we will always encounter rejections from anyone in various forms. And even if it usually hurts, it’s important to remember that rejection is not necessarily because something’s wrong with us. Sometimes, it’s simply because we’re guacamole in front of a hummus fan. We can be the best guacamole in the world but will have no chance to compete with even the most mediocre hummus.