Many of us, when we’ve done something embarrassing, unpleasant, or are simply having negative thoughts, often judge ourselves harshly, which inevitably makes us feel worse.

Those who choose not to judge end up suppressing or repressing their ‘unpleasant parts’, not wanting to admit the existence of the unpleasant parts, let alone deal with them. 

These repressed unpleasant parts grow into what Carl Jung calls “shadows”. Over time, these shadows leak through snarky comments here and there or unexplained hatred towards innocent people.

What I suggest is, if we are to judge ourselves, we should go ahead and judge ourselves. But we should do it properly: go all the way setting a court with at least three people in it: a judge, a plaintiff, a defendant. And probably some police officers, just in case the plaintiff or defendant gets into a fistfight or something. 

For Example

An example would be a workaholic woman who often judges herself for crying too often. The workaholic part would usually get annoyed, deeming crying as a waste of time and unproductive. Not only that, this maniac would harshly criticise the weak part of her as pathetic, incompetent, and should just disappear from Earth. 

Facing such a situation, she has three choices.

1. Do Some Positive (But Empty) Affirmations

She can jump to the trend, which is a spiritual bypass, by ostracising ‘the weak’, denying or repressing its existence and stating some positive (but empty) affirmation, “I am strong, I am capable, I can do anything”. 

While many believe that positive affirmation can magically come true, the problem is that many also get frustrated as their subconscious mind screams, “No that’s not true!! I’m weak, I can’t do anything right!” and therefore, all the affirmations they’ve stated don’t work. 

On a side note, if you want your affirmation to magically manifest, you have to integrate it with your subconscious level. You can do this by going to your Alpha-Theta level consciously. The blog post I’m writing at this stage covers only the ‘easier and quicker’ method, and thus, won’t be discussing this particular Alpha-Theta subject.

For more details about manifesting positive affirmation by going to your Alpha/Theta level, read a book titled “The Silva Mind Control Method” by José Silva. Warning: you can only manifest ‘positive’ things with this method. If you try to manifest something negative on someone else, you’re the one who will get the negativity.

2. Beat Herself Up

The second choice that the woman can do is to criticise the weak part of her, magnifying it, resenting it, and ruminating on it. This, of course, will inevitably make her feel worse and worse and result in a further, unnecessary delay in her productivity. 

3. Judge Herself Thoroughly

The third choice is to create an imaginary court by inventing a wise judge who would patiently ask ‘the weak’ why she just wants to sit and cry. When ‘the weak’ speaks, everybody (all parts in her body) should listen carefully. This wise judge should also get some police officers to restrain the workaholic maniac from spewing more cruel words into ‘the weak’. Perhaps also slap the maniac for telling ‘the weak’ to disappear from Earth. 

The Consequences

The first and the second choice mentioned above would result in denying and/or punishing/repressing the unwanted parts. As mentioned above, this can become ‘shadows’ and it can leak through projecting their weaknesses to other people. It can be through snarky comments here and there or unexplained hatred towards innocent people.

The third choice allows this woman to explore herself deeper. She may find that the weak part of her genuinely believes she’s incompetent in everything. Based on this presumption, she can proceed to integrate the weak part and the workaholic maniac by having a decent conversation, a business meeting perhaps, on what can be improved. Mediated by the judge and the police officers, in case they get into a fistfight.

Embracing All Unwanted Parts

Using different perspectives and tools to assess the problems, the unwanted parts can voice their doubts. Using the example above, the weak, the maniac and the judge can then start a SWOT analysis (SWOT = Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) and set a SMART goal (SMART = Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound).

Small Issues May Not Be Small at All

It always sounds silly for anyone who thinks they’re incompetent in everything. While it can be true that they can be incompetent in something, it’s not true that their incompetencies apply to every single aspect of their life.

In the example above, it’s possible that she feels incompetent because she was raised in an environment that focused too much on her weaknesses. This led to a deep-seated belief that doesn’t allow her to recognise her strengths.

Being aware is the first step. Those who are not aware of this ‘small issue’ may have dismissed it and see it as something silly. Something small that shouldn’t have been seen as an issue. But is it ‘small’? Of course it’s not.

Doing the legwork is the next step. She can seek help by visiting a therapist, attending a workshop, or conducting research and self-assessment on how to overcome her limiting belief. 

Overcoming our limiting beliefs does not just improve our wellbeing, but also our overall professional work. This method has been tried and tested by therapists. And also by me through personal experience. It works effectively. 

Conclusion

When we’ve done something unpleasant, many of us often either get too upset with ourselves or quickly dismiss it as something that is not us: denying the existence of this unpleasant part. None of these is effective. 

While judging is generally frowned upon, we should start judging ourselves properly. This means going all the way to set a proper court in our head, comprising at least a judge, a plaintiff, a defendant. And proceed with the judgement process accordingly.

Setting an imaginary court like this can help us tremendously when assessing problems as it forces us to see them from different angles. 

So next time someone tells you not to judge yourself and to just blindly repeat some empty affirmation, tell them you’ll have a proper court in your head, judging yourself using a proper court system. They can either grab popcorn or volunteer to be a juror. Or a police officer. 

And tell them that empty affirmations are just that: empty. They don’t work unless we really embrace our weaknesses without letting the weaknesses control us. Or unless we state it when our brain is at the Alpha-Theta level.