How do you feel when someone tells you, “look at the bright side, you still have a roof over your head” right after you let them know about a distressing event that has happened or is happening to you? 

Those of you who live in a safe place may feel ashamed for complaining and instantly feel grateful, knowing you’re in a safe place.

Some of you may feel irritated as you feel your emotions are not important and feel invalidated. 

Some of you who hate life (and people) may feel homicidal and perhaps, also suicidal, as you already see life as something negative. You don’t care about anything good in life anymore. You may even feel like slapping anyone who tells you to be grateful for being alive.

With racial injustice in many places, gender hatred and discrimination, crimes all over the world, diseases, Covid spiced up with conspiracy theories of some lizard people, lockdown and more lockdown while being single with no friends at all, I can see why some people think life sucks and full of negativities. 

Though some of us may find it awkward and challenging to practise gratitude when everything looks and feels horrible, practising gratitude is not an impossible job to do. An interesting question may be, why bother practising gratitude at all? What are the benefits? The next equally interesting question would be, how to practise gratitude when everything sucks?

Why Bother Practising Gratitude? What Are the Benefits?

There are numerous benefits of practising gratitude. The most popular ones are:

Increased Happiness

Studies show that practising gratitude positively influences our well-being. It effectively increases happiness and reduces depression.

Improved Sleep Quality

A 2011 study published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being found that expressing gratitude in a journal before going to bed improves sleep. People who practise this sleep better and longer. 

Improved Overall Quality of Life

With improved well being as mentioned above, it naturally makes us a better thinker and planner. Being a better thinker and planner enhances our quality of life, not just emotionally and physically, but also socially and financially.

How to Practise Gratitude When Everything Sucks?

Going Negative All the Way

If you really hate positivity (I know some people do, yes, they exist!), and you’re not even grateful for being alive because you think life is stupid and meaningless, I invite you to go negative all the way. Think how your life would be if you have none of the things you have at the moment. Zero. Nada. Zilch. You’re sleeping on the street, the street is dirty, and you wake up with someone trying to steal your kidney. This style of negativity, I strongly believe, will inevitably gravitate you toward gratitude. If not, please let me know. I’ll think of something more negative. I have plenty of ideas.

Meditate

Of course this sounds crazy if you’ve never done any meditation. But studies have proven that meditation, when done regularly, thickens the pre-frontal cortex. When that part is stronger, you have increased awareness, concentration, and decision-making skills. 

With a stronger pre-frontal cortex, you have the power to train your brain. When you have such power, you can see clearly what to do when everything sucks: keep complaining about what you can’t control or find out what you can do to feel better or improve your situation. 

When you’re trying to find out what you can do to feel better or improve your situation, you’ll inevitably look at what you already have. You’ll naturally feel grateful just by being aware of what you already have at the present moment. 

Walk in Nature

Hate meditation? That may be due to your impatience. Once you meditate for 20 minutes every single day for the whole two weeks, you will see a difference and you’ll start loving it. But for now, if you’re not into meditation yet, walk in nature.

When you walk, don’t just walk to increase your heart rate. Walk to appreciate the beauty of every single tree and plant you see. You don’t think they’re beautiful? Then judge every inch of their ugliness and see what you can improve if you’re a god.

Also, feel the fresh air and breath slowly. This is mindfulness. This is one method of meditation.

If you really can’t get your mind off all the uncomfortable emotions, see them as a guest sitting in your living room. Let them sit while you watch them. To understand the concept behind this, read the poem from Rumi below:

Keep a Gratitude Journal

Set aside 10-15 minutes per day, preferably before going to bed, to write 3-5 things you’re most grateful for, what you appreciate for the day. Big, small, everything counts. Even the silly ones like finding your favourite pencil that has been missing for months or years.

Keep a Gratitude Jar

Similar to a gratitude journal, you need to write down what you’re grateful for. But instead of writing it down in a journal, you write it on a small piece of paper and put it in a jar that you label “Gratitude Jar”. When you’re feeling down, open the jar and read one. Read more than one if necessary. The act of both reading and writing about what you’re grateful for is likely to instantly boost your mood. 

Volunteer

This may also sound crazy to those of you who hate life or people. Or both. But try it anyway. If you hate people that much, you can volunteer to help animals or trees. Studies show not only a fascinating change in the rewards centre of the brain that makes us happy, but it also shows that “…helping others takes the mind and emotions off the self, allowing the mind to move past anxieties and rumination.”

A Word of Warning

Even though practising gratitude can make you feel better almost instantly, you need to be aware that uncomfortable emotions need to be embraced instead of suppressed or repressed. You need to acknowledge their existence and process them accordingly.

If you feel sad and feel like crying, then cry instead of forcing yourself to feel grateful. As mentioned in this post, “Yes Being Happy Is Good, but Don’t Avoid Your Uncomfortable Emotions”, repressing emotions may result in emotional numbness and various health problems. 

Also, just because you feel like crying every day, thinking it’s good to embrace sadness, doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Here is a post about when crying is good for your wellbeing and when you need to seek help.

Conclusion

Practising gratitude can be awkward and challenging when you think everything sucks. The first thing to know about practising gratitude is its benefits. The next is how to do it. At the same time, you’ll also need to be aware that before or after practising gratitude, you need to acknowledge and process your unwanted feelings, otherwise they may lead to emotional numbness and various health problems. All in all, embracing is the key.