Disclaimer:

Even though I suspect I may have cracked the mystery of human suffering, I’m also aware that this may not be the only one ‘true’ way to solve the mystery. I’m aware that there are many things I don’t know at this stage.

Also, as this is a short article, not a book, the explanations tend to be oversimplified with the hope that they still convey the important points well enough.

It Starts With Spare Time

A friend asked me, “What do you do in your spare time?”

Spare time… good question. Do I have any? All my activities are scheduled—no spare time. Even ‘just a chit-chat’ is not done ‘in spare time’. Appointments must be made. Or simply shoot me a message and I’ll reply whenever I have a chance, which is rarely instantly.

Video Games? Doing Nothing?

Playing video games, to me, is not done in spare time. It’s scheduled. I would purposely allocate time to play video games. This is the best way to not spend all day playing and suddenly forget what day it is.

Even my ‘doing nothing’ is scheduled. It’s part of my self-care routine. It’s a priority as it can induce boredom. Boredom is a fertile ground for creativity. I’ve been using it for a while and am happy with the results.

But if I really want to look closely at how I spend time that’s not in my schedule yet (like, if I did something quicker than the scheduled time) I’d find myself mocking around with whatever interests me (which is quite a lot!). And I often catch myself gravitating towards comparison.

Comparison

Now before you harshly criticise me that comparison is the thief of joy, know that comparison is not always bad when done properly. Some fancy terms that make comparison sound much less intimidating—but still have the same meaning—are: benchmarking, measuring and reviewing progress, and studying the differences and similarities between problems and their elements.

Usually, I’d check YouTube, or read books, and then combine them with what I’ve observed in real life with doodles, trying to make sense of why the world is such a mess, including me and many other people I’ve met. I can’t simply blame everything on the lizard people. Blaming is the easiest way to put ourselves into victimisation. There must be a way to not be a victim.

And in my “spare time”… I think I finally solved one of the mysteries of human suffering.

Back in the Cave Days

Back in the cave days, everything was done collectively. Human survival depended on each other, so they had to huddle together to survive dangerous animals. There was no individualism. Everything must be done for the greater good. For everyone’s survival. Everyone was expected to be selfless.

Selflessness Is One of the Roots of Human Misery

Fast forward now… where we no longer must huddle together to survive dangerous animals, selflessness that has been long glorified as a virtue, may be one of the roots of human misery.

Selflessness requires a lot of energy, and most importantly, requires the selfless person to prioritise others and abandon their own wellbeing.

Those who either witness or experience the state of exhaustion as a result of selflessness evolve to becoming self-centred, while many others choose self-isolation as their own survival mechanism.

Self Love and the Other Self’s

The term self-love has become more and more popular these days. It was popularised by a philosopher named Arthur Schopenhauer, “Self-love is the natural propensity of every man to seek his own happiness, to take care of himself, and to make himself happy in every possible way.” (The World as Will and Representation, Volume 1, published in 1819).

People quickly grabbed it as an opportunity to emphasise the importance of individualism and self-gratification. As easily predicted, more and more people become self-centred with this mentality.

Self-centredness has its own ugly side, of course. It exhausts selfless people and it creates enemies as people feel used. Those who have been traumatised by self-centred people choose to isolate themselves.

While some self-centred people can get away with their self-centredness, some experience backlash and hostility from those who feel used. As a result, these self-centred people choose to isolate themselves, avoiding backlash and hostility.

The Swinging Pendulum

These three groups—selflessness, self-centeredness, and self-isolation—create a tone that swings like a pendulum from one extreme end to another. This creates misery in not just family and society, but also the whole world in general.

Key Features of Self-Love, Self-Centredness, Self-Isolation, and Selflessness

The true ‘self-love’ is not self-centred. It’s not about self-isolation either. And definitely not about being selfless.

Let’s dissect the elements and see the key features of Self-Love, Self-Centredness, Self-Isolation, and Selflessness as described below.

The Similarities Between the Elements

How Self-Love Contributes to the Ideal World

The flowchart below “How Self Love Contributes to the Ideal World” explains why self-love is the answer and how it contributes to a better, ideal world.

From Selfless Parents to Drug Dealers

The below flowchart, “From Selfless Parents to Corrupted Leaders to Poverty and Drug Dealers” illustrates how innocent selfless parents create spoiled children who may turn into corrupted leaders who exacerbate poverty and encourage a quick money mentality: being a drug dealer.

Some spoiled children turn into toxic parents who traumatise their children who later become mentally unwell who may become philosophers, artists, musicians… or serial killers.

Everyone has the potential to become awakened individuals. By ‘awakened,’ I mean becoming conscious, engaging in activities that contribute to their spiritual growth.

Note that not all spoiled children turn into toxic parents. Some jump straight to awaken individuals. The same applies to traumatic children. Some of them reach awakening without having to go through mental illness. It’s also important to note that not all creative people are awakened individuals. Many artists/musicians/other creatives are mentally unwell.

Also, note that I haven’t included healthy upbringing in this flowchart as I want to focus on the unhealthy effects of selfless parenting.

Questions, Comments, Disagreements?

I’m open to feedback, questions, and disagreement, but when disagreeing, please give easy-to-understand examples and explanations, using simple English. If you really must use fancy terms, please stick with the English dictionary so I can understand the questions/arguments properly.

You can either express your disagreement in the comment sections below or send me a private message. And keep it on topic; no personal attacks, please.

Note that the above flowcharts (doodles) are not just from what I’ve read and listened to from other experts, but also from what I’ve personally experienced and witnessed.

References:

• Gabor Mate
• Richard Grannon
• Teal Swan
• Doctor Ramani
• Jerry Wise
• Robert Greene
• Prof. Sam Vaknin
• HealthyGamer
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD
• Mastery by Robert Greene
• The Law of Human Nature by Robert Greene
• Personal observations