Note: This article is dedicated to all singles, whether they are single by choice or by circumstance. Remember that it is much better, much, much better to be single than to be with someone who doesn’t care about (or even harmful to) our wellbeing.
Historically Speaking
Historically speaking, Valentine’s Day was an ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia. This Pagan festival was associated with cleansing rituals, fertility rites, and the worship of Lupercal, the she-wolf who, according to Roman mythology, nursed and cared for the abandoned twins Romulus and Remus.
As Christianity became the dominant religion in the Roman Empire, many pagan festivals, including Lupercalia, were either modified or replaced by Christian celebrations. In the case of Lupercalia, it was eventually replaced by the Christian feast of St. Valentine, which over time transformed into the modern celebration of Valentine’s Day.
Who is St. Valentine?
St. Valentine was a priest in Rome. He was caught and executed on 14th February. His crime? Conducting clandestine marriages for soldiers. During that time, Emperor Claudius II (AD 268 to 270) prohibited marriage for young men, believing that single men were more effective soldiers.
How Did the Murderous Day Become the Lover’s Day?
The most significant written evidence that love was romanticised on Valentine’s Day was in Geoffrey Chaucer’s work, “Parlement of Foules” in the 14th century. However, no one knew exactly when lovers started sending love poems to each other: was it before Geoffrey Chaucer’s poem or after? Was the poem just a result of the romantic trend or did the poem cause the romantic trend? A chicken and egg question. If anyone knows the answer, please let me know. Not the chicken and egg… but the Parlement of Foules.
The Trend Still Continues
While it has been deemed as becoming too commercialised, the day remains special for most people. For couples, it’s a special day to celebrate their love.
For singles, some become sad as it’s a reminder of their singledom.
But not all singles, of course. Some singles choose to just celebrate love anyway despite not having any partner. For the singles who have pets, their pets usually receive some special treatments on the day. From more cuddling and playing time to heart-shaped biscuits.
To Singles Who Want to Celebrate Love Anyway
I have plenty of ideas on how to celebrate Valentine’s Day for singles. Apart from giving ourselves flowers, chocolates, a fancy dinner, and a spa day, I’d suggest writing a poem or a love letter for ourselves.
Write What You Admire About Yourself
The letter or poem would be about what you admire about yourself and why you love this person. If you can’t see anything you admire about yourself, try harder. This is also a good starting point to love yourself if you haven’t been able to.
If You Can’t/Won’t Admire Yourself
Whether or not you can admire yourself, you can also go to the other side: find your flaws, be compassionate about them, laugh at them if you want to, and see if you can improve any of them.
The key is to be compassionate towards ourselves instead of harshly criticising and condemning our flaws.
At the same time, we should do our best to address those flaws when possible.
If it’s unchangeable, like height, for example, then we might want to see it as a cute quirk rather than a source of shame. This can be challenging, particularly if our caretaker(s) made a harsh remark about our height when we were younger. It’s challenging but doable: free yourself from the influence of these caretakers.
Why Should You Write a Love Letter to Yourself?
Writing a love letter to yourself is one of the most powerful exercises to get you closer to yourself.
What usually happens after this is that you start to have compassion too when you see other people’s flaws.
Note that being compassionate doesn’t mean being so kind that you let everyone walk all over you like you’re a piece of a doormat. When you love yourself enough, you will not abandon yourself for anyone.
This is one of the most important ingredients in forming healthy relationships with people. It starts with the self, echoing the adage, ‘You can’t pour from an empty cup.’ So, fill your cup first. Love yourself first.
My Wish For Everyone
Whether the universe brings you a compatible partner or you simply enjoy your singledom and your learning (or healing) journey, my wish for all humans is that we are on the right track to become our authentic selves, where we can bring our uniqueness to flower into its full potential.
