This post is about my views on the purpose of life after observing people, twitter and several forums, and reading four books as follows:

1. The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck by Mark Manson
2. Everything is Fucked by Mark Manson
3. Mastery by Robert Greene
4. Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-term Fulfillment by George Leonard

If you haven’t got much time to read yet, here is the summary in one sentence: 

Life’s purpose is not ‘to be happy’, but to discover your uniqueness and flower it to its full potential.

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How to Live A Good Life: The Popular (but Questionably Inauthentic) Way

For as long as many of us can remember when it comes to ‘living a good life’ we’re ‘supposed to’ follow these rules:

1. Go to school to get a basic education so you can get into a good college
2. Go to college to get a good job
3. Find a good job or business that gives you enough income but if possible, stick with something more predictable, which is a job where you get a regular income. Business is too risky, most people agree.
4. Find a spouse so that you can be happy.
5. Have children because having children will make your life complete and even happier as they will look after you when you’re old and fragile (if you live that long).
6. Send the children to school, college, tell them to have a good job, get a wife or husband, have children, and tell them that these all will make them happy.
7. Retire peacefully because that’s the purpose of life: to be happy.

The above scenario suggests that the purpose of life is one: happiness. All actions should be associated with happiness and only happiness. Happiness has become an obsession that comes in different formats and measures. 

The False Dichotomy

Based on the above scenario, many would fall into a false dichotomy, assuming that having a spouse means a happy life, having no spouse means an unhappy life. The same goes for having a child/children and having a job. If you don’t have any of them, you’re seen as ‘unhappy’, regardless of what you’re actually feeling.

For example, in many societies, being unable to procreate is seen as sad and deserves sympathy. Not wanting to have children is most likely considered a temporary deviation and the person who doesn’t want to have any children is expected to change their mind someday, often reminded that there are many people who physically cannot reproduce and children are gifts from God, so you should try to have children while you can and they bring so much happiness, they claim.

The same applies to not having a spouse. In many societies, a single person who is old enough to get married, or especially who is past their age to get married, is likely to be ‘hassled’ with questions like when they will have a spouse, and if they haven’t got any potential partners, people will start helping them by fixing them up with another single they know. 

As a general consensus, everyone should aim to be happy. That the purpose in life is to be happy and that’s simply all. 

Same Ol Same Ol – Shift from Happiness to Happiness

The world has always believed that happiness is the ultimate purpose of human existence. 

During the Baby Boomer Era, happiness was measured by financial success. If you’re not successful financially, you’re likely to be alienated and classified as loser. 

The hippies in the Baby Boomer Era were seen as eccentric as they refused to succumb to materialism. They didn’t take education and career seriously, and paid more attention to how loving people should live, promoting more freedom in sexual relationships and experimenting with LSD drugs with the purpose to expand consciousness. All of these are to achieve true happiness, they claim.

Some people would see the hippies as losers since most of them are not ‘financially successful’. The hippies, prioritising love as happiness, don’t really care if they’re not financially successful. 

Then comes generation X, which is the children of the Baby Boomers. Despite the growth of yuppies (young urban professionals) who believe that happiness means having a successful career and a lot of money, many of those from generation X managed to re-popularise what the Hippies have always glorified, that love can make you happy. Love matters. Love brings happiness, they claim. 

Generation Y is even more obsessive about happiness. They popularise slogans like “I just want to be happy” and “Do what makes you happy” as well as “Live in the moment”, which are often wrongly misinterpreted by completely ignoring their future and indulging in all hedonistic desires, including abusing food, sex and drugs, which offer short-term pleasures with no long-term benefits. 

The Emergence of Anti-Natalists and Child-free Community

The belief that having children makes us happy has made people who have children lecture their childfree friends that having children gives a sense of purpose in life and teaches us ‘real’ love and responsibility. 

While I have no doubt that this can be true for some people, I also have no doubt that it doesn’t apply to everyone, particularly to people who are not interested in having any children. 

The backlash from childfree people whenever they’re forced to hear a lecture at a social gathering (and social media) on how happy and meaningful life would be and how a better person they can become once they have children, has redefined what happiness is.

These days, more and more people loudly declare that they’re childfree. As I’m a childfree person myself, I joined some childfree forums and found interesting things there. 

Many rant about selfish parents who think the world should revolve around their children. Many rant about how they hate unruly children and the parents do nothing about it. Many just gratefully claim they’re so happy with their decision for having no children and having all the money and time to do whatever and whenever they want. They believe people who have no children are happier than people with children. Again, it’s all about happiness. 

The ‘war’ between people with children and childfree people continues. Some people who have children see childfree people as selfish because they don’t want to be responsible for taking care of children. They also think that childfree people should remain childfree otherwise they will be bad parents. 

Then there’s anti-natalism which often goes hand in hand with nihilism. They claim that parents are selfish for bringing new children without their consent into the world. The news about a man suing his parents for giving birth to him has popularised anti-natalism like never before.

Procreation, according to anti-natalists, is morally wrong because no matter how comfortable life is, it always brings suffering. Not only disguising in life itself, but suffering is also obvious when one has an abnormality, be it psychologically, mentally, or physically. Many diseases bring death. No diseases also bring death. Death brings sadness. 

Here is another example of how an anti-natalist sees a parent who has a biological child/children – found on twitter today:

The Difference Between Childfree and Anti-Natalism

Childfree people can also be anti-natalists. But not all childfree people are anti-natalists, and not all anti-natalists are childfree. 

Despite often being known as cool aunties or uncles to their nieces and nephews, childfree people (who are not anti-natalists) are not interested in having any children in their life, mostly due to their inability (especially patience) to deal with any children for a long period of time.  

Generally speaking, childfree people don’t really care about other people wanting to have children. They don’t see this as ‘morally wrong’. They just don’t want anyone to impose children-are-happiness belief on them as they don’t see any happiness in having children. To childfree people, their happiness is all about the freedom to choose whatever activities they want to do in their life.

On the other hand, anti-natalists may already have a child/ children, biologically or by adopting/fostering. Anti-natalists focus more on a rewarding life instead of a happy one. As mentioned in the above Twitter rant, a more rewarding life would include a worthwhile job or hobby, charity work, and adopting or fostering children. 

Scientific Research On Happiness Among Single, Childfree Women

Childfree people have successfully intrigued many people in questioning whether being childfree can make people happy.

Professor Paul Dolan, a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, conducted scientific research and concluded that single and childfree women might be healthier and happier than married women and married women with children. Might. He used the word ‘might’. Not ‘definitely are’. But still, it’s a good indicator. 

However, I strongly believe that it really goes down to the most primal expectation of each individual. If a woman wants to be single and childfree and currently single and childfree, then there’s no doubt that her happiness level is ten out of ten. 

But if a woman believes that she exists to serve a man and her children, and she’s currently single and childfree, then there’s no doubt that her happiness may be minus 11 out of 10.

Happiness as a False Priority

I have always thought that happiness is overrated. To me, happiness doesn’t stay. Anyone who says they’re happy all the time is lying, drinking coffee every half hour, using drugs, or simply denying/repressing the other feelings when faced with an unavoidable reality in life such as disappointment, sadness, frustration, and anger, which one day may blow up disproportionately, leaving unimaginable destruction.

While many people have pointed this out by telling people not to deny or repress ‘negative’ emotions, they end up telling people that by doing so, a person can achieve true happiness. Again, happiness is the purpose. 

Many other people state that happiness is a journey, not a destination. That people should focus on happiness regardless of what they have. Again, happiness is the number one priority. 

When I was younger, I was told that people should always aim to live a happy, peaceful life. I didn’t disagree. I never disagree with wanting to live a happy, peaceful life, because I want it too. But I don’t agree that it should be the ‘only’ and the ‘main’ purpose in life. That we should follow the ‘rules’ to live a happy, peaceful life. I didn’t express my disagreement as I was still confused about what the main purpose was, which I believed, the ‘real’ one.

Life’s Purpose

Fast forward some twenty years later, I came across a book written by Mark Manson, titled, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” (how bout that as a title! Go Mark Manson!). 

Manson started his book with the story of Charles Bukowski, who was a drunk poet stuck in a hedonistic lifestyle: alcoholism and prostitutes for 30 years. 

But Manson still sticks with happiness as ‘the’ purpose in life by telling us what to do to find true happiness, that true happiness occurs only when we find the problems we enjoy having and solving. 

Later in his next book, “Everything is F*cked” (I really like how he uses the F word accordingly, not inappropriately!), Manson seems to shift his perspective a bit about happiness.

He writes: 

“The pursuit of happiness plunges us head-first toward nihilism and frivolity. It leads us toward childishness, an incessant and intolerant desire for something more, a hole that can never be filled, a thirst that can never be quenched. It is at the root of corruption and addiction, of self-pity and self-destruction.”

Mark Manson, Everything is F*cked, page 191

Despite the shift that I find freshly inspiring, I disagree with the pursuit of pain. Not that he’s totally wrong, but I think it’s still halfway. He claims that when we pursue pain, we are able to choose what pain we bring into our lives. And this choice makes the pain meaningful—and therefore, it is what makes life feel meaningful.

As it was just an intuition, I couldn’t pinpoint how I could express my disagreement intelligibly until I came across a book titled “Mastery”, written by Robert Greene in 2012.

Robert Greene writes:

“At your birth a seed is planted. That seed is your uniqueness. It wants to grow, transform itself, and flower to its full potential. It has a natural, assertive energy to it. Your Life’s Task is to bring that seed to flower, to express your uniqueness through your work. You have a destiny to fulfill. The stronger you feel and maintain it—as a force, a voice, or in whatever form—the greater your chance for fulfilling this Life’s Task and achieving mastery.”

Robert Greene, Mastery, page 40

In other words, every human being on Earth should focus on how they can develop the seed that is planted at their birth, their uniqueness. Despite what their parents, teachers, religious leaders, relatives, or any friends say about how to live a ‘proper’ life. 

Developing the seed is a challenge and the purpose is to become the master of whatever field this seed belongs to, which can only be done by going through the path of mastery, from learning, finding the right mentor, more learning, practising, advancing, and finally becoming a master, which is to keep learning. 

Robert Greene also emphasises the importance of learning, and we should value learning over money while also avoiding false paths. Greene writes:

“A false path in life is generally something we are attracted to for the wrong reasons—money, fame, attention, and so on. If it is attention we need, we often experience a kind of emptiness inside that we are hoping to fill with the false love of public approval.”

Robert Greene, Mastery, page 53

I highly recommend Robert Greene’s book, “Mastery” to everyone. This book explains not only how to discover and develop our ‘seed’ but also how to go through the path of mastery:

1. what to focus on (how to find the right mentor, how submissive we should be when learning, and when to move on and never remain in the mentor’s shadow)
2. what to avoid (the false path)
3. how to recognise our false self (which is the accumulation of all the voices we have internalised from other people- parents and friends who want to conform to their ideas of what you should be like and what you should do) 
4. What negative traits that we might have and how to handle them (envy, conformism, rigidity, self-obsessiveness, laziness, flightiness, and passive aggression)
5. The danger of grandiosity (that success and praise are more likely to do harm than bring benefit). 

George Leonard has an interesting perspective on what happens when people don’t tap their potential. In his book, “Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-term Fulfillment” (1991), he writes:

It might well be, in fact, that much of the world’s depression and discontent, and perhaps even a good share of the pervasive malaise that leads to crime and war, can ultimately be traced to our unused energy, our untapped potential.

George Leonard, Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-term Fulfillment, p. 131

All in All

Having written these, I’d simply repeat the summary I wrote at the beginning of this post, that:

Life’s purpose is not ‘to be happy’, but to discover your uniqueness and flower it to its full potential.

Flowering our uniqueness to its potential means going through the path of mastery, where learning never ends. Mastery is staying on the path.

And here is a quote to remember when you choose to keep pondering about happiness and the meaning of life: 

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”

-Albert Camus